The age that I am now is probably the suckiest timeframe from the majority of a normal person's entire lifetime. Not quite sure if I'm still capable of being as sincere and, well, simple, as a child does, not quite sure I'm qualified to face crap load of responsibities either. Here I am only a year away from having a '2' as the first number of my age, and I am completely clueless, puzzled, oblivious about anything regarding my future. As if being an angsty pessimistic unhappy over-analysing piece of shit isn't bad enough, I have probably lost all the faith I had in humanity.
(By the way guess what, it's Christmas day!)
Of course behind every hatred and anger and that sorts of negative feels there's a lunatic dreamer who got dissapointed way too many times. (Can't really blame anyone else for being a lunatic, right?)
Anyways I started wondering, how could you possibly ever wanted to spend your entire life, with a single overly-complicated person who you will never ever understand completely, and is ever-changing ever-evolving into someone either better or worse? I really don't get how we thought a truly limited being like us will ever truly capable of grasping such idea as great as love. There's only two endings of it anyway; breaking up, or death.
How do you even begin to understand people? They said the things that define a person aren't their actions, nor what they did in the past, but what they want to be in the future. Your actions don't define you, but what if you never got the answers? What if parents yell at their kids just to satisfy their need of expressing anger instead of the usual 'this is for your own good' lies? What if lovers actually tell their lovers I love yous only for their own sake, so that they won't be lonely, that the moment you told them you don't love them the same way, or the way they wanted to be loved, they left?
What if someone gave you love, and actually thanked you for accepting it, but you can't and won't love him no matter how hard you try?
What if you think you're protecting yourself from ever hurting and being hurt by other people, but instead isolated and destroyed yourself by doing so?
Ah but then again we're just tiny specks of dust in a massive majestic universe, you couldn't possibly think all of this mattered, could you?