Sooo I've been wanting to get rid of this particular piece of mind that bugs me a lot. Recently, I think I might have found the secret of life. Well, not exactly about life, but about two aspects of it that really affects us humans. Of happiness. And also of sadness.
What is happiness, really? How do you explain that feeling? I've been lost for words every time I think about how to describe happy. The only thing I could think of is happiness is an absence of sadness. That goes for sadness too, it's the absence of happiness. It means we can't be happy if sadness doesn't exist right? And we can't be sad if happiness doesn't exist, because the existence of one of them is the reason we acknowledge the existence of another.
I've been on internet since somewhere between 5th and 6th grade elementary school. Back then I was really naive and a huge fan in 'cheerful, uplifting' quotes and/or sad melancholy cheesy quotes. One of the most memorable (and now, disappointing) quote I have ever read in the history of my internet life goes (more or less) like this: "I never wanted a perfect life. Just one that's happy." (actually I just googled that I didn't remember the exact words but I think it was something like that) Well at least since the early years of my life I already knew that perfection doesn't exist (or at least it's not applicable to human) but what upsets me a little bit is that I used to believe in happiness, you know, that at some point in my life I will 'be happy' and I used to think that happiness was a destination, your goal in life, that before you die you will have experienced 'a happy life'. This is my explanation about why so many young, kind people die at such young age, because they have experienced their 'happy' life. I sort of believe that every single person in this world will have a happy life, and after that purpose of their existence is fulfilled, they die.
Well that was a stupid way to think. Wasn't it?
Even now I'm not really sure how I feel about happiness and sadness anymore. Sometimes when something made me happy I can't be genuinely happy, you know. There must be something 'missing', like does my happiness makes other people not happy, or, am I really happy? Do I really want that? Or, what's the point, really, of being happy now when sooner or later you're gonna be sad again? Well yep annoying stuffs like that.
But it doesn't just affect happiness, what's even more annoying is that sometimes when something bad happened I'm not really sad about it, like, I'm sure something good will come out of this, or, well at least you didn't (insert worst case scenario here) or, hey at least this 'saddening' thing makes other people happy, etc etc.
So now after discovering that life is one big series of happiness and sadness and both are inevitable and there's nothing you can do to protect yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness, what's next?
Nothing. Not happy, not sad, just, plain nothing. In between those two, maybe.
But it doesn't just affect happiness, what's even more annoying is that sometimes when something bad happened I'm not really sad about it, like, I'm sure something good will come out of this, or, well at least you didn't (insert worst case scenario here) or, hey at least this 'saddening' thing makes other people happy, etc etc.
So now after discovering that life is one big series of happiness and sadness and both are inevitable and there's nothing you can do to protect yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness, what's next?
Nothing. Not happy, not sad, just, plain nothing. In between those two, maybe.
Well I do hope one day in the future I get to re-read this piece of post again and think 'What a stupid way to think you smartass gtfo the internet.' (which is what I'm going to do right now)
Adieu.